I have recently arrived at a conclusion – I don’t always enjoy travelling but I do enjoy the destination. This all made sense during my recent trip to New Jersey. We flew to and from La Guardia in New York. Ah yes, one of the busiest airports in the world. My niece, Amy, and I arrived there to leave for home, early Sunday morning and we waited…and we waited…and we waited some more. Finally, a young man made an announcement – “The flight has been delayed because we cannot find the crew.” Yes, you heard me right – they couldn’t find the crew! I didn’t find this announcement comforting whatsoever. When people are going to get on an airplane and let’s face it, risk their lives somewhat in so doing, is this what you want to hear?! Maybe, he could’ve announced that the delay was due to a need to stock the beverage cart – I would’ve been cool with that. We were in a New York airport so any delay would’ve been understandable except that the crew was lost! Well anyway, Amy and I had some laughs with that and the fact that our flight number began with 666. I felt like this was a plot for a bad horror flick called Flight to Hell. The missing crew, the flight number, and the preacher’s wife were all good ingredients for your typical “slasher” movie.
Finally, it was time to board so off we went. We shuttled out to the plane after being packed like sardines in said shuttle. I was beside Joe Frat Guy who was talking on his cell phone for everyone to hear, “Dude, this party, Dude, was so awesome, Dude.” I gave him my "Dude, are you serious, Dude, you are such a tool, Dude, glare." I was reminded that I just spoke to a church about love or I may have said, “Dude, you are too old for the girly plaid shorts and your visor is not very dude-worthy” but I refrained! I just wanted to get home. As I climbed the stairs, I saw the next character in my movie, the frightening flight attendant. I mean no disrespect but there was no "flying the friendly skies" with her. She looked like Phyllis Diller, seriously! She was not happy to be on the flight with the missing crew who, by the way, explained that they’d been sitting in the wrong plane…whew, I feel so much better now! If you can’t find the right plane, how will you get me to Columbus? The plot thickens! We were finally in the air en route to Ohio…or were we? When Phyllis started yelling at passengers I wondered. This woman scared me; I’m not going to lie! Some poor people had the nerve to ask her what the snack choices were. I actually started telling Amy and people around me, “Save yourselves! The choices are Nabisco cookies, pretzels, or peanuts!” My heart was pounding as the cart rolled to our seats, I checked for fangs before I asked for a diet coke and then pondered, “How did she get her platinum-blonde hair that big?” Her hair was huge, as big as the sun, and as bright! Okay, I’m getting a bit carried away but you get the point. Eventually, we did reach home, without further incident, and I wanted to kiss the ground and cry, “I made it!”
So my travels have been amusing, over the years, and I have the stories to prove it. Well, I can laugh now but when I was stuck in a Rome hotel, which looked like a maximum-security prison, I didn’t find any humor. Or the time, we were trapped on a runway in Sweden for six hours and the plane’s air-conditioning went out…not funny either! Now, I can laugh and realize they were all part of the experiences that made up the movie called, My Life Story. In my movie, there are so many interesting and colorful characters that have spun amazing tales. There have been thrillers, comedies, tear-jerkers, melodramas, and even a few horror stories but they were all necessary elements to keep me on the edge of my seat. By the way, I hired my Executive Producer when I was thirteen years old and we’ve been partners ever since. I met him at an altar at church camp and together, we’ve created quite a story. Maybe, as I stated earlier, I’ve not always enjoyed the travelling but I do know I’ll enjoy my final destination and realize it was well worth the ride after all. I bought the ticket, so to speak, and I know how the story ends and it goes a little like this, “Eventually Joni did reach home and she kissed the ground and cried, I made it!” THE END (and the beginning)
